Ukrainian guests - moving on

Although they obtained visas for the Canadian equivalent to the Homes for the Ukraine scheme our guests have actually decided to stay in the U.K. and have found a rental property in our town.  Mum had visited a few larger British towns and cities, but didn’t like them.  I think she found them too crowded and a bit frantic compared with home in the Ukraine.  London which she had expected to like was far bigger than the cities in Ukraine and I think she felt a bit lost amongst all the other nationalities living and working there!

She has been lucky in finding a small property in the town centre closer to her work and her son’s school, at a reasonable rent.  While living with us she found work in a local restaurant’s kitchen (albeit at minimum wage on a zero hours contract) so she was able to save a deposit and the initial rent.  The local council has been really supportive giving a grant to help with costs of furnishing the place and acting as guarantor.  So as of yesterday she has her own home.

The last six months have had their ups and downs but overall Mrs E and I have been pretty lucky with our guests compared to some other hosts.  Mum has been great about cleaning up after she has cooked and has kept their room clean and tidy.  Others have not been so lucky with their guests and FB forums for hosts have numbers of posts asking for advice about guests who are traumatised, unable or plain unwilling to work towards becoming independent.

This is a refugee situation involving a first world nation in the 21st century which has made it different to past crises. Like other modern conflicts it is a ‘televised’ war so our guests are more in touch with events at home but unable to influence them.  What we have really noticed is the impact of the internet for our guests.   The son can take lessons from Ukraine remotely and although dad had to stay in Ukraine thanks to the wonders of internet telephony mum could speak to him every day via video calls.  The connection hasn’t always been great and over the last few days there have been times when calls didn’t go through, probably due to Russian attacks on infrastructure, but it is far better than say the situation of refugees from the Bosnian war in the 1990’s.

I honestly don’t know what her next steps are going to be.  Her husband is not liable to conscription due to his age and job but can’t legally leave Ukraine.  She doesn’t want to go back as there is no end to the war in sight and attacks on civilian infrastructure look set to continue.  Yet it is unclear whether she can stay in the U.K. after her three year initial residence visa ends.  As things currently stand any time accrued in the U.K. under the homes for Ukraine visa do not count towards residency consideration.  So after three years she could be told to leave!

Mrs E and I have by turns been perplexed, annoyed and confused by the differences between Ukrainian ways of doing things and our own.  We have torn our hair out trying to navigate the various systems and procedures put in place by central government while being really impressed by the time effort and commitment put in by of our local government and various charities such as the Red Cross.  Yet overall it has worked far more smoothly than might have been the case.  There have been issues mostly around parenting techniques but it could have been far worse.  The house is our own again while at the same time it seems very quiet without our guests.  

Whether we would do it again is currently a matter of discussion.  We are pretty clear that if we did host again it wouldn’t be for a parent and child. While we meet the accommodation requirements for a mother with a child under 12 we are not happy not to be able to give them a room each. At the moment it’s nice having our house back and not worrying about mum going out to work or to language classes and leaving her son alone without checking if we are available to keep an eye on him.  On the other hand we feel as if we have been selfish about about wanting things done our way in our home, which if you think about it is odd.  Cognitive dissonance for the win eh?